Stage fright, Self Consciousness, Forgetting, Oh My!

Getting up on stage in front of 450 students clad only in latex paint is a huge step for me. I have never been one who has loved performing. It wasn’t until eight grade graduation with three other girls that I welcomed it. This is totally out of my comfort zone. This is also something I know I need to do.

If I back out now, I would be screwing a lot of people over, and worse, I’d be letting myself down. Getting up on stage in 21 days, performing a choreographed dance, all while wearing Liquid Latex paint and a thong will help me overcome at least three different fears in one fell swoop.

I have always been terrible at performing; there is something that freezes inside of me once I get up on stage. I know if I am able to go through with this, chances are, that fear will be gone. As the show date gets closer and closer, I worry I am not in good enough shape, and every part of me knows it doesn’t matter. The whole mentality is that performers are so confident and proud about their bodies. I want to be like them. I don’t want to feel self-conscious.

For as long as I can remember, memorizing anything leaves with me anxiety after anxiety. Rote memory tests always confused me in high school and still do.  Remembering a dance that is over five minutes long then getting the guts to perform it will be huge. If that doesn’t help me realize my fear of forgetting things I memorize is irrational, I don’t know what will.

Overcoming all these things makes me want to participate in the show even more.  It’s a once in a lifetime experience, and it’s totally outside of my comfort zone.  I have slowly been learning to try things that push me outside of what I know, and this feels like a giant leap. At this point, I know I am going to go through with it, but the anxieties won’t stop running through my head. The only thing I can do now is to practice so I know the dance like it’s muscle memory and ignore those other irrational anxieties.

One thought on “Stage fright, Self Consciousness, Forgetting, Oh My!

  1. I love your post – a few things you should know – stage fright is really common, even among seasoned performers, so I would not expect to never have it again, only that it will be balanced by the exhilaration that comes at the end of the performance and makes pushing through the anxiety worth it. The second thing is that all dance routines rely on motor memory – the rote talking yourself though it takes place as you learn a new routine, but eventually it moves out of your talking head and into motor memory. The third is I just saw a piece that Harriette posted of her granddaughter in a high school production – I will see if I can send it to you, because you will have a model of a young woman who is not “in shape” in the classical definition, who has amazing stage presence. Love you, Mom

    Sent from my iPad


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