Getting up on stage in front of 450 students clad only in latex paint is a huge step for me. I have never been one who has loved performing. It wasn’t until eight grade graduation with three other girls that I welcomed it. This is totally out of my comfort zone. This is also something I know I need to do.
If I back out now, I would be screwing a lot of people over, and worse, I’d be letting myself down. Getting up on stage in 21 days, performing a choreographed dance, all while wearing Liquid Latex paint and a thong will help me overcome at least three different fears in one fell swoop.
I have always been terrible at performing; there is something that freezes inside of me once I get up on stage. I know if I am able to go through with this, chances are, that fear will be gone. As the show date gets closer and closer, I worry I am not in good enough shape, and every part of me knows it doesn’t matter. The whole mentality is that performers are so confident and proud about their bodies. I want to be like them. I don’t want to feel self-conscious.
For as long as I can remember, memorizing anything leaves with me anxiety after anxiety. Rote memory tests always confused me in high school and still do. Remembering a dance that is over five minutes long then getting the guts to perform it will be huge. If that doesn’t help me realize my fear of forgetting things I memorize is irrational, I don’t know what will.
Overcoming all these things makes me want to participate in the show even more. It’s a once in a lifetime experience, and it’s totally outside of my comfort zone. I have slowly been learning to try things that push me outside of what I know, and this feels like a giant leap. At this point, I know I am going to go through with it, but the anxieties won’t stop running through my head. The only thing I can do now is to practice so I know the dance like it’s muscle memory and ignore those other irrational anxieties.